Wednesday, February 10, 2010
We have arrived, he said but wasn't smiling.
She wondered about her cousin, if she was waiting for her. Maybe eating a corn dog or some stale popcorn. They had planned to go to a movie.
What are we doing here? She said and tried to find that flirtatious smile in her files. But it merely hiked the corners of her mouth up. No sparkles reached her eyes. Something wasn't right, she could feel it.
A moon sliver had appeared in the sky. It glared down upon them coldly and she could see that there was dirt under the boy's finger nails.
Don't play dumb, he said.
And that made her feel dumb. And suddenly every bone in her body knew what was going to happen.
She didn't resist when he pushed her down onto an old mattress inside the musty-smelling shed. Even though she was silent, he placed his palm over her lips. Perhaps he wanted to be ready to catch the screams he expected. His palm was sweaty again.
He lifted her dress, the flimsy cotton one that had made her feel so pretty just a couple of hours ago. He pulled down her panties and spread her thighs. She tried to think about technicolor cotton candy and Ferris Wheel rides. So she wouldn't feel him trashing inside her. His face was contorted. It looked like he was in pain. She didn't understand why he was hurting both of them.
But she tried to think about all the little things that made her happy; well-tended flower beds, juicy Sunday roasts, petting a cat.
The trashing wouldn't stop.
That's how my mother lost her virginity. I wonder how much it shaped the person she became?
images borrowed from one of my favorite blogs: http://ghostwerld.wordpress.com/