Monday, February 1, 2010

He makes her lunch and give her pedicures.

these recurring themes have once again rendered me sleepless; lust, greed and cruelty.

I did pull the wings off a dragonfly once. And then I saved a bunch of tadpoles from drowning. I have so many evil thoughts that I don't want to own up to.

I want Veronica to fail. At least, I want her to fall down and get scabs on that super-humanely pretty milky white skin of hers. But I know that band-aids on her knees would only make her cuter. Have you ever known a girl that's just perfect?
Veronica is flawless. She's why-can't-I-be-her? She has the one relationship in the world I am actually envious of. Her boyfriend gives her rides and flowers. He's funny and gorgeous. He makes her lunch and gives her pedicures. When we were younger, and I would go over to her house a lot, I would often spend hours and hours hanging out with her parents. They are – despite being both rich and famous – super-cool. They give their daughter love, not things. They gave me love when I needed it. Veronica has natural strawberry blond hair in which a chunk of rainbow forever is trapped.
And just last week she got the internship that I had applied for and wanted badly. I almost constructed a voodoo doll of Veronica to stick needles into.

When she found out that I had applied for that too, she called me and apologized and then she came over with heart-shaped vegan cookies that she had baked.

And I just found myself imagining Veronica in a terrible car accident that had her legs twisted around her waist, her face a bloody pulp.

I don't know who makes me more sick; her or me.

Update: Neighbor denied ever seeing my iphone. His beast is too scary to deal with. Monica wrote me a strange email that I think I will post here. I may go meet Justin soon. I am not sure why I should. I figure: Say yes to life.

Images by badass Tracey Emin


  1. i really like this story! you rock, girl. i mean it, you're really a good writer. i'm very interested to interview and feature your blog in my blog one day, where to e-mail you when i'm ready? :)

    she sounds like a mole shes probably empty inside bahahah :)

    hope you feel better.


  3. ughhh, i just adore your anecdotes.

    i don't even know you, yet i'm proud of you. ha.

    love love love.

  4. It's odd how you can love something and hate it at the same time. Very bold of you to write about this - most people just let it eat them from the inside.

  5. your comment made me really surprisingly happy. i think you can't comprehend what it's like until it happens to you. never again. fuck actors. fuck perfect people and their perfect boyfriends and their perfect apologetic heart-shaped vegan cookies. i'd want to kill her too, i don't blame you. although i am guessing that there's something deep-seated there that's not perfect. there always is.

    also i don't find it very nice that you have pictures of cupcakes and cotton candy all over your blog. i think you know why. :D

    really though i'm just teasing! xx x

  6. Love your new look! Or, your blogs anyway.
    I love your look to.
    ANYWAY! Wana go for a beer?

  7. Meet Justin! Forget about Monica!


  8. I've met girls like that in life and had terrible thoughts about them. It's not being sick, it's being human.

    I love how you describe her hair having "rainbows trapped in it". Beautiful.

  9. YOU rock. I am more than certain of it. I could get lost in the many, many pages of you. But then I'd never finish my art assignment and then I'd get a zero on it and have to blame a randomly wonderful stranger from Bloggerdom.

    I don't see my professor going for that.



You Rock. I am certain of it.