Thursday, February 11, 2010

I didn't get a chance to pull out before I had vomit on my hand and arm.

I know it's not even noon, but I am having a beer.

At about 6 am this morning I was puked on my own father. It was sort of my fault, but I was only trying to be of use.

I had been chatting on FB with some guy in Turkey, pretending I could be his everything and the mother of his children too. I fell asleep and dreamt that I was a housewife, and that I was baking a pound cake for the housewife next door, the one with the dreamy eyes.

I woke up to the sound of glass shattering on the tiled floor followed by a dull thud. I ran downstairs and there was dad. My father. I hadn't even known he was at the house. I thought he was in Topanga Canyon. He was on the floor among broken plates and cutlery. A few days worth of dishes I had left behind.
He'd swallowed pills, he told me. He wanted to die, he said, because there was no love left in this world.
Will you forgive me? he asked and looked at me with eyes like soapy water. A drama queen on his death bed.
I told him to go fuck himself and that I wouldn't forgive him. And then I shoved my fist into his mouth and tried to get my fingers as far back as possible.

I didn't get a chance to pull out before I had vomit on my hand and arm.

My father comes from a long line of pill-poppers, in fact we are citizens of a Nation of Pill-poppers.

He rests now.

His puke was rockstar vomit; there were pieces of corn and soggy pills swimming around in honey-colored bile. And one lonely gummi bear.

I want to thank the lovely and talented Erica Clay of alabastercow for giving me the Kick-Ass Blog Award. She's also a vegan. Check out her Blog Herbivorous for some cooking advice.


  1. "You Rock. I am certain of it."

    So do you. XD

  2. I hope your okay, and your dad, x.

  3. You are an awesome daughter!!

  4. oh dear. did i say you have a beautiful heart? yes?

    again. you have a beautiful heart.

    i just keep thinking about that lone gummy bear. you have this wondrous way of finding the right tiny detail that sums up the whole situation. microcosm. and it's effortless.

    xx x

  5. also:

    YES!! trek trek trek if you can.

    it may just make my day. though i cannot promise to be sober.

    do you need more hints?
    do you know to be discreet about all of this?

  6. Was it pink?

    I only like the pink and the clear ones.

  7. vomit is my worst fear in the world.

    and i am certain of it.


  8. That lone Gummi bear is an image that will stick with me for some time...

  9. They have Face Book in Turkey? Humm. This is why I read blogs to learn things. LOL

    By the way, I rock like big pebbles!

  10. that lonely gummy bear

  11. thank you and holy shit. i'm pretty sure that's all i can verbalize at the moment...

    but be sure to take care of yourself.

  12. You're so extremely strong! I hope you know that.

    Stay amazing, and hope you and your dad are okay..

    Love Jen x

  13. another very well-written piece, Kim. i really like this one!
    i hope both you and your dad would be alright. you're very strong, and i really admire you for that :)

  14. I'm sorry hun. Like Eva said, youre tough shit!

  15. TONIGHT!! (saturday)
    bordello bar
    houndstooth dress
    come find me
    xx x

  16. i did the same for my mom once. parents are bastards don't you think? i am still bitter but things do pass and eventhough i will never trust her like i used to or look at her in the same way again i have kind of forgiven her.


You Rock. I am certain of it.