Sunday, April 4, 2010

So there's already trouble in my paradise.

Morning is gray and crisp. The pollution is but a distant unpleasant thought, fading fast from my muscle memory and cells.

I will shall must look on the bright side. I must trust that there's a sun beyond those curtains of death gray. 

The birds are chirping cheerily. Longingly. (If I say lovingly am I guilty of anthropomorphizing?)
The GDR vision of space age; The Fernsehenturm is beaming dull aluminum through the 8 am haze.

I came with a suitcase, the laptop and a guitar. I am a walking, talking cliche. The young American girl taking on Europe. Who doesn't speak the language beyond: Entshuldigung, sprechen sie English, bitte? Far away from home, brave with the visa card from daddy safely tucked away in my fanny pack. Ein beer, bitte!

She is colder than I expected her to be. There's no tongue in our kisses. And they don't aim for the lips either. The embrace is tense and doesn't rub off. She has bags under her eyes. And tales of trouble.It's not you, it's me.

I never learn not to have any expectations. And now I try to look for the signs I missed while being blind-folded by my silly desired to be loved. And I am not even getting fucked.

So there's already trouble in my paradise.

P.S My blogger acts buggy. I hit return and nothing happens. I click the italics button and nothing happens. Advice? Help!


  1. No passion in the embrace... I know the feeling... it hurts... and as for you Blogger problem... i have no idea haha Sorry :( love your writing though :)

  2. Yes, great post. Part two?

    Hmmm...not sure about the blogger shit either. Some kinda damn gremlin thing going on...

  3. i have noo idea!

    and i love your weekend plan lmao!
    and whos the lady i ahve no idea lolol
    i feel ignorant but i'm a happy chappy sorta

  4. I hope things turn out for the best and it isn't paradise lost, Kim. Enjoy the new land that you're on :)

  5. i'm impressed that you are trying kim, i think that's important. you can always come home (yes please!).

    and do you really have a fanny pack, cuz i swear to god, i love you more if you do!

    blogger has been acting exceptionally crazy lately. it always sucks, but it is sucking big time lately.

    sending you love.


  6. Empty love, that's what this sounds like. It reminds me of times when I tried to make things out of things that couldn't exist. Wow, I'm rambling on your blog and now have no idea where I was going with that. Great post though. As always :)

  7. those of us who need to be loved look for it in all the wrong places and hold too many false hopes. we paint fairytales and tell ourselves bedtime stories and get to the point we believe them.

    sometimes a cold heart is better than a dead heart. i don't know if the shrinks would agree but it sure as hell hurts less.

    xx x

  8. aw, I don't think many people have mastered the art of not expecting things. It's frikkin impossible.

    xo, Sophia


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