But have you ever thought about reinventing yourself? Shedding skin? Coming out shiny and new?
I have become another person. When I come home (read: if I come home) you may not recognize me. And it's not because my hair color changed or because I gained or lost weight.
I get up early. I work as a waitress. I take walks in the park. I don't drive anywhere. I drink Apfelshorle. I signed up for Deutsch classes.
But keeping the darkness at bay is a full-time job even for a cheerful person like me. When I let the guard down an unexplored part of the gray scale blindfolds me. And that black hole makes me a little lopsided. And then the vertigo comes.
You will find me making voodoo dolls. You'll find me drinking JD straight outta bottle. You'll find me stoned and playing scrabble. With myself. Because I am a sore loser. Don't ever take me on a mini-golf date. You'll find me speeding down Mullholland Drive, momentarily intoxicated by the SoCal beauty, but mostly not caring about the outcome. My outcome.
But now I suddenly have a job. As a waitress. I've never done it before. But this American lady, Sandy, hired me for her American-style restaurant.
I like working. It's sort of new to me.
i guess i've been doing it all wrong... if it's true that you can't run. that fourth paragraph... love. it looks like i'm taking you out for a mini golf date WHEN you get back. (=;
ReplyDeletei would love to see you as a waitress, and i would love to see you with a fanny pack even more. hope you are doing well kim... i worry.
xxx
t
this post is beautifully written. your talent never ceases to amaze me.
glad to hear that you've intvented a new side of you, Kim. sounds cool! have a nice day, and thanks for sharing the lovely writing! i always enjoy reading them!
ReplyDeleteOooh yeah, nice one. Good bit of prose you have there. I'm digging that mad pic as well.
ReplyDeleteLooks like something I did once in my life...
Don't worry too much about all the complicated grammar and conjugations in German. Just try to learn as many words a possible. That's the philosophy I used when learning to speak german, and it works. Everybody will understand you even though you don't get all the accusative and dative cases right. Good luck >:)
ReplyDeleteYeah that paragraph No. 4 kicks but the whole post kicks all the more. And the photo? Damn genius art.
ReplyDeleteI gave you an award, because you're lovely :)
ReplyDeletehttp://iamthegooch.blogspot.com/2010/04/award-thing-y.html
xx
That's one of the best photos I've seen in a long time.
ReplyDeleteNeato.
i'm confused about your present location but that's the point, isn't it? everywhere you run / move / flee to all you find is a more intense, more concentrated, more fucked up version of yourself. i'm trying a new thing: staying put in LA until i work out what went wrong with me and why and until i fix it. because i'm getting tired of running. because i'm tired of disappointment. because i'm tired of breaking my own heart every time.
ReplyDeletexx x
Absolutely beautiful. Awesome. And not awesome in the overused, valley-girl sense of awesome, but rather truly leaving me full of awe.
ReplyDeleteWhen I am in need of inspiration, I come here.
<3
P.D.
some <3 your blog is lush
ReplyDeleteLuvLux
xxx
well, in that case i am some how permanently living in your dark side. cause i do try to drink jd straight out of the bottle from time to time. i use a knife and carve skulls on the tables and walls. i ride my bullet around like im a kamakazzi on a suicide mission. and i barely ever used the brakes. and i don't like jobs. xD.. and am miserable and loving every second of it. looks like i will turn up here more often to see the cheerful view in your dimension. loved how you wrote this. thou art a magnificent talent :)
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you're doing well, Kim. Happy to hear it. I bet you make an amazing waitress :)
ReplyDeleteI wish I could run from it all. Wouldn't it make life much easier? But when did anyone say life would be easy?
ReplyDeletexo, Sophia