But despite the sunshine and the baby-blue Berlin sky. The extremely cheerful birds chirping from their nest outside my kitchen window. And the perfectly moist lemon poppy cake I over-indulged in.
It's like the curtain dropped. And I am choking on musty and dusty red velvet. The air feels sandpaper-y to breathe and I am just too tired to keep my eyelids hoisted. Instead I fall into a half-sleep state where serial killers read me bedtime stories sitting at the edge of my princess bed. And I masturbate myself raw with a spiked dildo. And tear the wings off dragon flies.
I still haven't been able to create sufficient meaning to sustain my pitiful existence in this cold galaxy.
So damn visceral. Your writing is raw and in-the-face. Keep it that way.
ReplyDeleteThe pic is fucking amazing.
i feel the same i feel the same. only i have always felt the same. everything should be all right but you wake up fearful and sweating and hungry with no explanations.
ReplyDeletei am learning that there are demons inside that we've been covering oh so carefully until we forget about them. they rise in dreams and random fears and melancholies when everything ought to be perfect. deconstructing the fairytale is more painful than anything i ever knew but i am rather hoping it will be worth it in the end.
also? i am not the only one great with words and hues and overtones and undertones, as you say. the subtleties and metaphors and images in your writing move into my head and take up house there and light fires that make me want to write.
and sometimes it's not about finding meaning but finding what will save you and what makes things bearable.
xx x
Just discovered your blog and I fucking love it.
ReplyDeleteme 2!
ReplyDeleteThis here is why I love your writing. It's raw and completely void of fear.
ReplyDeletewow - amazingly written, quite vivid imagery. I'm adding you to my news feed for sure. :)
ReplyDeletethat first paragraph i can so relate to. that happens to me quite often, for no reason. strange.
ReplyDeletei just love this kim, even if it is made up... even if you are made up. your writing makes my day.
xxx
t
I empathize. I am 43 and still trying to figure it all out. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteawww.... kim! thanks for taking the time to watch that. you rock. you are so funny. the guy that married us IS the kundalini yoga guru, his master brought kundalini to the western world. so funny that you said that. brian (my husband) does all the music for his albums,and he is a good friend of ours.
ReplyDeletei hope you are enjoying your time. i wish i could go to flea markets in berlin with you. sounds so awesome. i want to hear more, more and more!
xxx
t
i live in that place where you go when you are dreaming and reality is a blurr smudge of the years that have passed.. hope that spiked dildo gets you there though.. :P
ReplyDelete