Sunday, April 25, 2010

She started having cold sores and unsightly rashes.

Mommy didn't protect Anita. Couldn't wouldn't. Turned the old blind eye. Anita's eyes changed from velvet brown to black lakes.
Bottomless lakes where dirty secrets sank through to the sludgy end. She started having cold sores and unsightly rashes. She would wake up in the middle of the night screaming so the nice china in the kitchen cabinet almost shattered. Mommy just rolled over and reached for the ear plugs. Sometimes Anita wet her  bed. That made mommy furious. Because she hated going to the laundromat. She would say to Anita: You're not a child anymore.

Anita was twelve when it started.

Later Anita started smoking cigarettes and hanging out with boys who drove stolen cars and drank beer and sniffed glue.

Mommy liked to watch TV. Mommy liked to drink white wine with an ice cube in. She liked mail-order catalogs. She liked her boyfriend. Or she liked the fact that she had one. That made her feel lucky, she said. But if she really would have thought about it, about him, maybe she would have come to the conclusion that he really didn't contribute anything but troubles.

Sometimes he would pick Anita up from school. That was the one good thing he did. So why the hell did Anita complain about it? Especially since he would buy her ice cream and soda?

She had just turned sixteen when she finally called the police. In mommy's boyfriend's computer there were many videos that he had made when he raped her in stairwells in public buildings. When he had brought friends along. When he forced her to perform oral sex on him on a polluted beach, behind some shrubs, under a cloud bursting with rain.


  1. It was so excruciating to read this. I can't understand how people can be so messed up and so cruel as to do something like that, it's just so evil.

  2. yet another beautifully written story, kim, but must admit reading this is kind of heartbreaking. :)
    i wonder why there are people who can be very mean and irresponsible, and simply don't care what others feel.

  3. This made me teary.
    Kim, you are beautiful.
    This story is heartbreaking, and thought provoking.


  4. There is only one thing to say, Kim. Your posts are just amazing; both the stories you tell and the way you tell it. Das muss ich ja nur sagen ... viele grussen >:)

    Cold As Heaven

  5. certainly though provoking (thanks tywo). love seeing that you have updated your blog, it makes my day. always. love.


  6. kim, i miss you. come back. write me something beautiful or raw or gritty or ugly. i dont' care. but write me something. ok?

  7. damn kim! you gotta write all this into a book. im telling you. i don't care if no one buys it , i fucking will. clouds bursting with rain, " Anita's eyes changed from velvet brown to black lakes.Bottomless lakes where dirty secrets sank through to the sludgy end....".. its something i would only dream to write. but here you are , written a perfect composition. blowing my mind away as always.

  8. I never got sexually abused as a child, but I do remember this bastard who approached me on a railway bridge near my house when I was about 9, this guy knew my name (I had never seen him before) and said I was supposed to come with him. I said he had got the wrong person and walked off...
    ... Now I keep wondering what would have happened if I did go with him. I suppose that's pretty obvious. But I keep thinking about it and it does my head in

  9. PS those cupcakes look marvellous. I had to restrain myself from buying a load of iced cakes just like those this very afternoon ;->...

  10. May that man rot in hell with all the other perverts and sexual deviants who enjoy taking a young person's innocence. Very well written.

  11. Thought provoking, heart breaking. Why? Why must some men be disgusting pigs? Beautiful writing darling.

    xo, Sophia

  12. this is the first thing I've read of yours and it floored me. I hope for the girls sake that this is just fiction... Sometimes I wonder how single mothers can be so blind with love to their new boyfriends especially when these women have small children and invite him into every aspect of their lives. So sad.

    Your good with words.


You Rock. I am certain of it.