i had this friend

she was a good friend, a fun girl. a bitch you could drink jägermeister with until sunshine was ripping into the sky again. she was a fearless, unstoppable redhead who would stagedive head first at all ages shows.

she took pride in having the nastiest farts. she used to float down the river on pieces of styrofoam, giant mushrooms in her potbelly.

now she's a blonde. in love. she forgives her man any sin he's ever committed. she's like my dead mother.

she's demure. hides her sexy overbite behind her hand whenever she feels the need to smile. which isn't often anymore.

she's on a permanent diet. he thinks she's too thick. i think he's too thick. and now she is too, by default. for putting up with this low-life loser.